This past week - Part one

So far, I've had quite a progressive, busy, sometimes crazy and hectic week.

A little over a week ago I was biking to work. As I pedaled down Crescent toward Bonnie Brae, I heard someone honking their horn behind me. I turn to look and there is a pink Ford Escort a few blocks behind me, but I just keep on pedaling. A moment later the driver is at the stop sign behind me, still honking his horn and now I can see that he is waving his hands around. I stop to see what this guy wants and he pulls up next to me and rolls down his window. He looked to be somewhere between 50 and 65 years old, wore thick black rimmed glasses and quite disheveled. Then he started screaming at me in a slurred, almost retarded-sounding voice that I needed to slow down in his neighborhood. My average speed is about 10mph on this stretch of road, so I immediately figured this guy must be nuts. "I've biked this route for months, I think I can manage, thanks." I started to go and then he pulled up again, still angry, yelling, spitting while he talked. He sounded kinda like the Tourettes Guy of internet infamy. "YOU'RE GOING TO KILL SOMEONE GOING THAT FAST IN YOUR CAR," he screamed. I laughed and said, "uhhh, this is a bicycle man!" "NO, THAT'S A CAR! DON'T EVER DRIVE THROUGH HERE AGAIN!" He sped off and then turned on Bonnie Brae, following me slowly as I biked down the sidewalk, honking and screaming at me the entire way. I couldn't stop laughing at how maniacal the guy was, and I decided I wanted more chuckles in the future. Over the next few days I looked for the pink Escort without luck. Then, this past Wednesday, I spotted the car. To my surprise the guy lives ON MY BLOCK! So I continue to bike the same route, hoping to have another fun conversation about the dangers of biking too fast in his presence. Maybe he forgot his meds or something!

Now for something completely different...

I've been keeping a log of my dreams for the past month, usually writing them down as soon as I wake up. Three nights ago I had my second tornado-destroys-RaceTrac dream since I've begun recording my nocturnal adventures. Both of them were quite different, but had some of the same people and the now recurring theme of my workplace being destroyed by a twister. I must really dislike working there so deeply that my subconscious plays mental videos for me in my sleep about the destruction of the gas station. Or maybe I'm like Angela Petrelli and I should be warning people!

I have also spent some time going through my notes from my Pathways training from over three years ago. While there is still much for me to recover from my writings, I've come across some recurring themes, some bad habits that have returned to my life and I've been able to renew my knowledge of the tools that I can use to keep myself on the right path. I will omit some of the Pathwaynian slang and concepts for the sake of my readers; while they hold a powerful meaning for me, it might come across as nonsense to you guys. In short, I see myself constantly running a lot of self-damaging mental tapes through my head, especially in situations of high stress (social gatherings, meeting new people, being around women that I'm attracted to, etc.). What happens is that when I'm confronted with a chance to express myself, or reach out to someone and be myself, I get too anxious, too caught up in what I should do, how I should do it, what I should say. Am I going to look like an idiot? What if I get rejected? What if they think I'm dumb? These thoughts are very powerful, and 99% of the time I do nothing, say nothing; I just sit there condemning myself to the loneliness that I so disparately hate. I get so caught up with my next move that I never make a move at all. Basically, I give way to my own negative thoughts so often that I keep myself from getting many of the things I desire. Hell, I even allowed myself to miss out on a good opportunity today. I give in to my fears and lose grasp of all that I've worked for. But these tapes can be reversed, must be reversed. I created them and I can change them. I can push eject when the tape becomes too negative for my well-being, put on something more positive, press play, and get moving! Remembering how to use the tools that I learned from Pathways is key to moving on to better days.

School is starting up in less than two weeks and I'm really excited to get things started. I had registered for my classes last semester and paid my tuition earlier this month, but then I received an email from my adviser. Bad news bears. He informed me that since I didn't make an A in either of the math classes I took during the spring, that I would be required to retake them again this fall. Also, if I fail to make an A in both of them not only would I not be prepared to take the other classes I'm required to take before starting my grad studies, but that I would have no future in the math department's grad program. So I gritted my teeth and re-registered for Abstract Algebra and Real Analysis 1. But then I also received some good news bears in another email from my adviser. He spoke with our math lab coordinator and it appears they will be able to give me more hours this semester! This means that I may be able to leave behind my grueling gas station attendant job for good as soon as I start getting paychecks from the university! In addition to that, I'll have more time for studying, working on my music, and getting out of town on the weekends every now and then! Plus I'll finally be able to save enough money for a new car within the next 2-4 months, yessssss! I have so much potential ahead of me for a great semester, I can taste it.

I'm going to end this here and return for part 2 tomorrow. But before I go I have added some more songs to my 'I Can Play' list. I know its been kind of slow, but I've had other priorities to manage this week. Here's what I've added:

43. The Changeling - The Doors
44. L.A. Woman - The Doors
45. Knights of Cydonia - Muse
46. Dawn Patrol - Megadeth
47. Night - Devin Townsend
48. Life - Devin Townsend

--DW