Yesterday was the big infamous 4/20, hope you all had a great time.
I returned from San Antonio on Sunday night after attending my mom's wedding. The ceremony was great and the reception was even better. It was great to see the happiness and the love that my mom and her new husband share for each other; hope they're having a relaxing vacation this week.
The dark clouds of depression are still hovering over my head, but I'm starting to feel some sunshine peek through. I think part of this relief comes from the fact that I'm tired of talking to people about it, because they all tell me the same things. And though none of it really helps at the moment, I know that I can't start doing good until I can start feeling good. More on that later...
Rehearsals have begun for Gomorrah Go Go, the dude angels and myself are learning our sexy dance choreography and we're already turning heads. I love practicing at TWU. If one thing is motivating me to get out of my emotional funk, its this show. It feels good to be active, to be with friends (I've performed with almost all of our cast in previous shows), and to know that the show is going to be hilarious. And it doesn't hurt that I'll be performing in the sexiest part of the show, in my opinion.
The school semester is over as far as I'm concerned. I'm still going to classes and taking notes, but there's really no point in trying to do very well as far behind as I am. Plus my job is over next Friday and I'll have to find a new job for the summer and beyond. So wish me luck on that front.
I still find that I am constantly thinking about women, relationships, my dissatisfaction with being single, my jealousy for those who are in relationships. For example, I was at the grocery store today and as I was locking up my bike I witnessed a flood of happy couples walking into the store, like it was some kind of date night at Kroger. I saw at least five couples in under 10 seconds. I wanted to fucking SCREAM. And another thing (and yes, I know that looks are not all that matters) but I see these guys that look like they haven't combed their hair all week, wearing a beard like Moses, with GORGEOUS women on their arms. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. WHAT THE FUCK. Seriously. What do any of these guys have that I don't?! Should I just stop giving a flying fuck what I put on in the morning and skip out on my whole morning prep? Quit shaving? Wear Converse high tops? What the fuck.
It's not like I'm desperate for any girl to come my way, I know that it takes work to find someone who is relationship material and to make something work. But too many people out there know that I'm a good looking, intelligent, kind gentleman for me to still be miserably single. What's keeping me from experiencing some happiness in this area of my life? If you know, please tell me so that I can stop asking myself this question every fucking day.
Ugh.
I've been doing a lot of personal journaling lately in search of some way to get myself focused on feeling better and doing better. Yesterday I wrote down a list of things I could do to improve my personal, spiritual, and career outlooks. I even narrowed down those lists to some specific things I can start working on this week. I'll report back to my readers (are you there?) about that later.
For now, its time to start looking for new work. So if any of my readers know of a good job opportunity in Denton, please share it with me. If I have to wait longer than a month or two to find work, then its going to be sayonara Denton, hello parents.
This weekend is my birthday, I turn 3^3.
That is all.
--DW
Metallica - Trapped Under Ice
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