Long Time No See

So I finally have friends who are actively blogging again, and I have decided to join in and dust off the good old Full Metal Racket blog. Welcome back, enjoy yourself.

The past month or so has been a big roller coaster for me, and I'm ready to get off. I'm pretty sure I already threw up a couple times. Everything that was going well for me last semester has become mediocre at best, and my ego has really taken a beating.

I recently found myself single again, and I cannot seem to escape large groups of couples. They're fucking everywhere; on campus, in class, down town, the hockey rink, the bar, the bookstore... And the coming of Spring doesn't really help either, because now they're just out and about, everywhere. You happy bastards in love are ruining my otherwise good time. Do they have a Single Anonymous group? Because I would totally go to those meetings. A healthy romantic relationship, as much as I yearn for one, is becoming an increasingly frustrating pursuit. The more women I meet, the more disillusioned I feel about the idea of finding one who has their head on tight enough for my liking. Seriously, what the fuck is going on inside of the female cranium? I mean, I don't want much, and I'm not trying to fill a void in my life. I just want to know that someone's got my back. And I'm not looking for my friends to try to pump me up, and tell me how eligible I am, because I already know and believe that I am a very attractive, highly intelligent, funny, honest, caring and loving man. I've already heard from a hundred people over the years that any woman would be lucky to have me. Is it because I don't have a fucking car? Because that's the only thing I can think of. Otherwise I am a great person, I am going places in life, I'm worth it, god damn it. And fuck you if you can't see that.

My poor mood hasn't posed too much of a threat to my academic progress this semester, mostly due to the fact that I'm already not doing that well in my classes. Abstract Algebra 2 is my best class right now, grades are good, homework is easy. But sometimes I don't really see where my teacher is going. Matrix Theory is going so-so. I remember most of my Linear Algebra stuff, but I am still struggling when it comes to writing proofs in that context. Topology, while I feel like its the most important class for me to do well in this semester, is kicking my ass. I managed to make a 77 on Exam 1 though, so I suppose I'm learning something in there. I know that I can't always ace everything, and that's fine.

As I think I mentioned in a previous post, I started seeing a personal counselor last semester and my meetings with him had been going well. But for some reason he has been completely booked since Spring Break. Two weeks have gone by that I have been stuck on an endless waiting list, and it looks like I'm just going to have to suck it up and do this on my own. I guess I'm not the only one who had a shitty Spring Break and needs professional help?

My level of personal happiness and contentment is pretty damned low right now, but luckily I am experienced enough now to know that this means its time to make some changes with my life...

For one, I am starting to realize that I drink way too much and everyone I hang out with has become increasingly obsessed with going to the bar over the past year. I mean, I'm not an alcoholic, but just doing my weekly checkbook balance shows me that I'm losing a lot of money to bars. I've been considering quitting the bar scene for good, probably as of last Friday night. It would be goal-worthy to even quit drinking entirely for the next 6 weeks. It's doable, and it would help me in my struggles in class.

My lack of successful relationships since I've been in Denton has also prompted me to take an inventory of things I can change that would improve my success rate. I need to change my environment, find some new social circles, do something new. I've started sitting in at meetings for our campus's student Socialist organization and been digesting their propaganda. Maybe it will be good for me to find something to fight for, some cause to support. I'm just a little uneasy and skeptical since I've been duped into fighting for other causes in the past that I no longer believe in. Other groups like FMLA, Queer Liberaction, Esoteric Mystery Society, and Philosophy Club are on my list of meetings to try out. I need to find people who are less into being drunk all the time, people who have goals, focus, and vision.

About the only thing that is going very well for me right now is hockey. I returned to the goal crease in December and I've been working my way back to par. So far my previously injured knee is doing fine. I've altered my goal tending style with the aim of protecting my knees while still maximizing my blocking surface with good results. For example, I shut out one of our league's top scorers in a 7-2 victory last Thursday night. I'm also stepping up my efforts this week by going to pick-up games on Monday nights in addition to my Thursday night games. Interested in checking out a game? I play for a team called Soviet Reunion, and our league's schedule can be found HERE. The rink is located at 222 S. Mayhill Rd., Denton, TX.

That's all I have for now, 6 weeks left until I get a 3 week break (AKA a most needed breather) from school and work. Got any good ideas for how I should spend it? Holler at me.

Here's some mandatory noise.

--DW

Pantera - Message In Blood